Please
by LaurenAshleyMay
Summary: Jean's thoughts during her brief period as an awakened being and her subsequent rescue by Clare.


A/N: For some reason, I've become addicted to writing Claymore fanfics. This is in the same style as my other Claymore fic, "Thinking of You". I enjoy writing like this…and I'm babbling.

Anyway, Claymore isn't mine; it's the property of Norihiro Yagi.

Jean: If I think about it…maybe I actually died then….and only continued to live for this one moment.

Clare: NO, YOU ARE WRONG! YOUR LIFE IS YOURS! IT BELONGS TO NOBODY!

Jean: Let me express my gratitude again… Thank you, Clare. I am glad to have met you.

Somehow, I'm still here.

I haven't turned into the mindless killing machine my comrades warned me about.

But then again,

Haven't I been a killing machine this entire time,

With my mind belonging to the Organization.

No.

I mustn't think things like that.

Thoughts like that are dangerous.

For me, anyway.

Right now, thinking hurts.

Everything

Every

Damn

Fiber

Of

My

Being

Hurts.

I would say, "Make it all go away,"

But then I would go away.

And that girl, she would win.

No, not a girl,

An awakened being.

Riful.

…

…

…

I force my eyes open and take in my surroundings.

There is blood

EVERYWHERE.

The blood of my comrades.

My friends.

Like sisters to me.

I feel like I should cry, but all I can think is how hungry I am.

For what?

No.

I am not hungry.

The beast that is fighting its way through my mind, my body-

That is what is hungry.

I have held it back countless times before,

And I will keep holding it back.

What Riful said wasn't true:

I am

NOTHING

Like an awakened being.

It is not simply a "matter of consciousness"

We. Have. Humanity.

…

…

…

I hear fighting above me.

I wonder…

Who?

There is too much mixed yoki to get a clear understanding of what is playing out.

Wait…

Someone just left the battle,

And is coming down to me.

No

No

NO!

I will kill you

Rip you to shreds

Bury my face in your flesh

Gorge myself

Dine on your innards

Drink your blood

Until you are a heap of bones and skin on the ground

Nothing more than a mess-

IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER.

GO.

GO.

GO!

RUN!

I'm screaming in my head, begging for her to hear.

I don't want to kill anyone.

Please.

Please.

I'm begging you.

I don't want to kill a fellow comrade.

Even though I've never met her

She has a life ahead of her

I don't want to take that away just because this

MONSTER

Inside me was hungry.

_Clink._

_Clink._

_Clink._

She's getting closer.

I hear the _woosh _of her cloak as she runs through the ruins.

Maybe she will get lost and won't find-

Oh, no.

She found me.

She's standing in the doorway

Staring

At

Me.

I'm a monster.

I don't blame her for staring.

Just please…

Please…Hurry up and kill me before

Its too late.

"K-kill me…quickly…I can't…

Please…I can't suppress it any longer…"

She grips her sword

And lifts it slightly off the ground.

I feel a fresh wave of tears slide down my monstrous face.

Tears of relief.

"Thank you…

With this, I will be able to die as a human…"

But then

No…

She jumps forward and puts her hands on my shoulders

And screams at me to turn back.

Not possible.

I can't.

I'm barely still here.

"The chances of turning back after going past the limit aren't zero!"

She yells.

If only that were true.

But I am damned

To die as a monster

If she doesn't hurry up and

KILL ME NOW.

And then, through all of my thoughts

Pain

And the battle within me

I hear…

"Don't give up!

Even if it is a thorny path, I will walk it together with you!"

Please…

Please….

Please…

I'm begging you, kill me now…

While my human mind is still in control. I don't want to die a monster.

And then

Suddenly

I feel as if someone has tied a rope to my very soul

And is pulling me back to the shores of humanity.

Is it possible?

Could I really turn back?

And then it is over.

I lift up my hand

And look at my perfectly…

_Human_

Fingers.

A cloak is thrown on my back.

She says something about a half-awakening.

I really don't pay attention.

She…she _saved my life. _

I owe her everything.

She says something about Galatea,

And then I remember the fighting going on.

And everything comes rushing back.

_Raquel…_

_Katea…_

_I will definitely avenge you._

Suddenly, my savior tips forward-

She's injured.

I grab her just in time to keep her from falling.

She looks up in surprise.

Surprise? Why?

"My name is Jean."

"I owe you this life."

"Use it any time you please,

Any way you like."

She stares for a moment, then…

"I am Clare."

Thanks for reading! :)

Lauren~


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